i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
