Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
