I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
