Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
