look no pants
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
