Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
