I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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