Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
