whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
