Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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