I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
