do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
