happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
