Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
