I wannas sexs uuuuu
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
