the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
