I wannas sexs uuuuu
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
