return my video game
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
