I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
