my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
