white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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