please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
well you can't waste a boner
He kissed a someone with a penis
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
