Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
