i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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