i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
MIDGETS
????
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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