i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
