Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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