You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
