There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
