My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
