Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
