I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
