I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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