I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize