He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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