Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
