I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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