Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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