When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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