He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize