I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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