I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
