I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
