i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize