Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
