i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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