just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
