my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize