Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
