New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
