party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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