It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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