Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
