Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
