I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
