college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
