I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
