Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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