Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
