the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
