We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
