Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
