it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
